Storytime with Oghren
by Caledvwlch
Summary: Oghren regales some of Ferelden's younger troops with a story about their commander as only he can. Drunkenly.


_Author's Note-thingy:_

_I'm apparently on a roll today with writing. Anyway, this idea has been bouncing around in my head in various forms ever since I started my Dwarven Noble playthrough of Dragon Age a few days ago. Cookies for those of you who get what the mabari's name is a reference to. Yes, I actually named the dog that, and yes, I did it solely so I could make this joke. I know, I'm pathetic. XD_

_ Enjoy! Or don't. It's totally up to you._

* * *

The walls of the stone dining hall rang with the sounds of men and women eating, relaxing, and swapping stories. Wardens and soldiers, all glad for the peace that had finally settled after what had seemed like endless darkspawn incursions. There were several whistles of approval as a thunderous belch rang out from one of the tables, as well as applause for it's owner, a stocky, grizzled dwarf who's ferociously red beard was currently covered in foam. Oghren burped again, then turned to the young man who sat a little ways down the table.

"That's nothin'! Did I ever tell ya about the time th'Boss fought darkspawn drunk?" there were the beginnings of a drunken slur in his voice.

The young man grinned and leaned forward onto the table.

"No, but I get the feeling that you're about to," he replied, a knowing grin spreading across his face.

Oghren took another swig from his tankard before launching into the story.

"Aye, it was back when we were fightin' that no good nug humper Longgrain—"

"I think you mean '_Loghain_'?" a young woman on the opposite side of the table corrected, trying not to laugh.

"'Corse I do! Anyway, we were camped out, all peaceful-like, an' a bunch of us were throwin' back some mugs of this real nice brew that mage Wynne found somewhere," Oghren paused here and chuckled, muttering something under his breath about Wynne and back alleys. "So, just when I'm about t'get a good buzz goin', these darkspawn show up outta nowhere. Don't know how the sodding things managed t'get th' jump on us. Probably had somethin' t'do with the fact that Igraine, that's th'Commander t'you, was stone cold _drunk_."

"So what happened?" the young man asked.

Oghren snorted.

"I'm gettin' there, have a little bleedin' patience," he grumbled, then paused. "Where was I? Right, darkspawn. So naturally we all scramble for weapons. All of use, 'cept the Boss. She just whistles for that damn hound o'her's and jumps up on its back shoutin' 'I put my faith in Blast Hardcheese'. An' off she goes, riding that dog like it was a sodding horse! I thought Alistair was gonna piss his pants, he was laughin' so hard."

"Alistair? You mean the king?" another Warden asked incredulously.

"Aye, the king. An' don't ask about the dog's name. I think she went temp'rarly insane when she named it," Oghren said with a laugh. "Anyway, we managed t'beat 'em back, but not b'fore Igraine got dumped flat on her ass."

Oghren laughed again. The others at the table started to join in, clearly enjoying the mental image of the Warden-Commander drunkenly riding a mabari into battle, when a surprisingly effective bellow caught them all off guard.

"By the Stone, do you have to keep bringing that up?"

A well placed smack upside the head sent Oghren flying into his drink. He spluttered, taking a moment to recover before turning to the glowering dwarven woman standing behind him, her blond, coiled braids positively bristling.

"Oh, hey Boss. Didn't see ya there."

Igraine Aeducan, commander of Fereldan's Grey Wardens, rolled her eyes, letting loose the much put upon sigh that almost everyone who knew Oghren let loose at some point.

"Well I hope you can see me now, because I need you sober and ready to help train the new recruits. You said you'd go over the basics of berserking, remember?"

Before the older dwarf could say anything, she grabbed him by the back of the collar, hauling him out of his seat and pushing him towards the door. Oghren, for his part, complained loudly, using words that some of the younger people present had never heard before. A hush fell over the hall as they left, and it was several moments before conversation resumed. The young man whom Oghren had originally addressed laughed nervously.

"She's amazingly terrifying for a woman who barely comes up to your hip," he said, suddenly feeling the need for another drink.

No one in the room disagreed.


End file.
